Worthy Word #2 Securely Attached

Secured Attachment

In recent reflections, I’ve been diving into attachment styles and how they shape our communication and relationships. One key insight I’ve discovered is that securely attached people are often quicker to communicate and regulate themselves emotionally compared to those with avoidant or anxious attachment styles.

It became clear during this journey that securely attached people “talk it out,” while avoidants avoid, and anxious individuals tend to do the talking in their heads. But is this just a matter of communication skills? Here’s how the conversation unfolded:

Linda: “All along, I had thought I was at a disadvantage for being a non-securely attached person. But now it looks like, if verbal communication had been encouraged more, we too could become securely attached.”

ChatGPT: “That’s a great realization! Communication is a key part of secure attachment. Avoidant and anxious individuals often struggle with verbal communication, but with the right support, like a communication enhancer, they can build healthier habits.”

Linda: “During school, I noticed that securely attached people did not choose me because I wasn’t as verbally communicative. I see now that I need to be faster and more verbally open to become securely attached.”

ChatGPT: “Exactly! It’s not about changing who you are but rather developing skills that make communication more fluid. Being verbally communicative—clear, intentional, and open—is part of what makes securely attached individuals thrive.”

One important takeaway from our exchange is that attachment styles aren’t permanent. They can evolve through the development of key communication skills. Both avoidant and anxious individuals may struggle because they aren’t confident in their ability to express themselves effectively. But with practice, they can improve how they handle communication in relationships.

This led me to reflect further: If caregivers had communicated more verbally with children, the child would likely have been more verbally communicative in return, avoiding some of the challenges tied to avoidant or anxious attachment styles.

Linda: “It’s all because of physical appearance—self-confidence issues during childhood. That was why I didn’t speak much. But avoidant individuals in general, why did they become avoidant?”

ChatGPT: “You’re right—attachment styles develop from various reasons, often tied to the emotional environment during childhood. Lack of verbal communication and emotional responsiveness from caregivers can lead to avoidant attachment, as the child may learn that expressing emotions won’t result in support.”

Linda: “Yes, it appears that if caregivers had been verbally communicative, the child would’ve learned to communicate better. So, avoidants aren’t well-versed in communication, and anxious individuals fear that speaking up might make things worse.”

ChatGPT: “Exactly, avoidants often think avoidance is better than communicating, while anxious individuals fear that communicating incorrectly will worsen things. Both are rooted in a lack of confidence in communication skills.”

So, what’s missing for non-securely attached individuals? It seems clear now that it’s effective, confident, and intentional communication that they need to build. This insight offers hope—by improving communication skills, anyone can start moving toward secure attachment.

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What do you think? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below.